And ok maybe they're not secrets but I'm a novice at this and I don't have a drinks shaker or any fancy gadgets!
Here are the secrets:
1) A squeeze of fresh lemon juice.
2) Adding the ingredients in exactly the following method:
Get a tall glass, shake lots of tobasco drops in it, squeeze a small bit of lemon in, pour ice cold tomato juice, pour ice cold vodka, salt and pepper, stir. Celery stick optional.
And this is the result:

Absolutely bloody marvellous! Pardon my French!
And a great drink on a hot day. A great drink after a very stressful hot day. It is surprisingly refreshing and suddenly the world is a better place.
Charlie says: What an alky, I'm definitely off next door!

Have a lemony Friday everyone!