I should cocoa

There I am just woken up, groggy, head full of cotton wool, tasting remnants of drool. I'm a bit wobbly, half of me is still in my sweaty dreams, the other half out into the cold sunshine-filled hallway.

I am staggering to my small office as I’ve always done since the Cat took up residency on the computer chair to say good morning to her before I continue on with my toilette. And boy do I need my toilette time first thing in the morning. I have drool to wash off remember?

Anyway, I know what to expect – the Cat sprawled on the chair, asleep.

Except that this time she wasn’t sprawled. She was nestled against the back of the chair with her legs tucked under her body and her head hanging over the edge of the seat. I mean literally hanging, neck downwards, lolling, floppy - as if the carpet held something fascinating for her to watch.

Except her eyes were closed and her body was very still.

She’s never slept like that before. Never.

The strange thing was that for a second I was so scared to touch her in case.

But I forced myself to.

Of course she startled awake and screamed at me for waking her up but Gordon Bennet, my heart…

So what do I do after to calm down? I bake.

But because my heart defibrillated and near enough stopped after the shock, I decide to open my lovely little muffin recipe book “Everyday muffins and bakes – 112 essential recipes” and go straight to the section “Healthy Options”.

I pick “Sugarless Chocolate Muffins”. And because I’ve never been let down by this book, I do exactly as the recipe asks. Big mistake.

The “Chocolate” is strictly cocoa only. And pure cocoa is not sweet. The moisture is unsweetened orange juice – which equates to bitter orange.

You throw in a handful of blueberries – but as we all know, they ain’t that sweet either.

So I end up with 12 brown bitter muffins that as far as I’m concerned do nothing for the advancement of humankind.

What do I do? I buy a couple of bars of cooking chocolate, melt them and pour the yummy goo very liberally over each muffin. Problem solved.

In the meantime, the Cat is liking her new sleeping position. Go figure.