Wednesday, 23 June 2010

33 Words and a Gazillion drafts later

"She watched her daughter pluck the rose’s petals and throw them over the balcony of their high rise flat. Her tears dazzled in the sunshine. If only they could escape to the countryside."

The End.

A micro story of 33 words that include the words "rose", "countryside", "sunshine".

Thank you Ellie for the opportunity and the Wednesday Word Blogfest.


Charlie says: I hope you don't give up your day job! (look strawberries to the left of the pic!).

Have a wordy Wednesday everyone!

38 comments:

Amparo Ortiz said...

That was so cool! You can't even tell it took a gazillion drafts :D Good job!

Brian said...

Well, I for one say Bravo! Charlie, whiff those strawberries for me please! That 33 word thing sounds like fun...I might have to try a contest for critters with critter words.

Theresa Milstein said...

Charlie is being a bit mean spirited lately. Tell him to find his inner-muse!

You said so much with so little. I've read these 25 and 50 word submissions on Miss Snark's First Victim blog, and I enjoy yours over many I've read. You created a vivid scene. Bravo!

KarenMcG said...

Oh, how stately and princely you look. As still as a statue, too. Love this shot!

Jacqueline said...

Jenn, your story was lovely and it made me envision your words in my head!...You are talented to do that with only a few words and I am very impressed!...Charlie is a vision and I want to cuddle him!...J
Sending kisses x3, handsome boy...Calle, Halle, Sukki

laughingwolf said...

cool... even after a gazillion drafts :)

strawberries are not ready yet, charlie ;) lol

The Chair Speaks said...

Strawberries got overwhelmed by Charlie's brilliant white fur? :)

TK and Squashies said...

Beautifully done! Evoking great emotion in 33 words.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Charlie wouldn't mind if you gave up your day job...There would be more time for tummy rubs. :)

Lovely story!

Al said...

Clever story.
Tell Charlie to pull his head in!
yumm, home grown strawberrys.

Simon Kewin said...

Beautiful - I love the way there's a much larger story there in the background, unexpressed. It's fun doing this sort of thing isn't it?

Joanne Fox said...

Aah, that's sad, but lovely. This could grow into a bigger story of how they escaped life in the high rise!

Kea said...

I'm impressed with your micro-story; congratulations! Amazing how so much emotion can be packed into so few words, Jenn. Congratulations!

Charlie seems to be an excellent garden snoopervisor; the strawberries are fabulous!

Greyscale Territory said...

Quite an emotional moment beautifully captured with just a few brushstrokes!

Ellie said...

So much said and unsaid. So many emotions conveyed. A microfiction that leaves me wanting more!

Strawberries...yum. Can I pop over for strawberries and cream?

Guinevere said...

Nice short! Very evocative in so little space.

But Charlie could be more supportive... tell him my cats even pretend to like my singing!

Winston said...

You are so clever with words! We liked the story a lot.

Rosidah Abidin said...

I can relate to her feelings. I would love to escape to the countryside. Have a wonderful day.

Hannah and Lucy said...

We enjoyed your short story - it was like the short piece on the back of a book describing the story and it would encourage me to buy it.
Charlie you look very handsome today. xx

Brigid said...

Beautiful and so touching at the same time and with so few words,
lovely piece.

KarenG said...

I want to read more!!! I like the imagery and I want to know these characters better. All from 33 words-- you rock!

wildcatwoodscats said...

I was waiting for the rest of the story - good start! Charlie looks so handsome today!

Sammy and Andy said...

Grand short story!!!!!

Hi there, handsome Charlie!!!!!!

Marg said...

That was really well done. We like that a lot. Charlie you are looking so good.We can tell you posed for that picture. Have a great day.

Talli Roland said...

Oh I love it, Old Kitty! It was worth all the time and effort - it's beautiful!

Watery Tart said...

Very nice! You did well with it. Charlie is obliged to be critical--it's that cat superiority thing...

Felted House said...

33 words is hardly any at all and yet you've painted a believable and emotional scene - that's really impressive! zz

Plain Jane said...

Ahhhh, I liked your little story. I am reading Lord of the Rings and he uses so many words. Sometimes I have to skip entire pages. Your story is refreshing.

PaintWithWords said...

Great bit of flash fiction!

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Medeia Sharif said...

There's a lot of emotion in those 33 words.

Milton said...

Charlie - your supposed to encourage the Mutties!

I tell you, yours was an awful lot better than the drivel mine comes up with.

Milt x

PS Grab one of them strawberries when she's got her back turned. She'll never notice!

Amy and The House of Cats said...

Oh Charlie you are wrong on this one - we think the story is great! And only 33 words is impressive!

hampshireflyer said...

Now that could *very* easily be set down my way :)

Ann Best said...

This is SO perfect. It shimmers emotionally. It suggests so much. It's beautiful.

Reminds me of the time in a poetry workshop (my grad school days) when the assignment was to write a poem requiring an exact number of lines and syllables in each line. It was all I worked on for a week! Talk about a Gazillion drafts! But I knew it was a stunning product even before the professor concurred (I'll bet you knew this was stunning too), and I discovered that writing in a strict form can lead to great beauty and meaning, if you're willing to put in the time.

Beth Zimmerman said...

PERFECTION!

notesfromnadir said...

That's a pretty story! Good imagery.

Charlie's looking very regal today! :)

Pat @ Mille Fiori Favoriti said...

Fantastic job, Old Kitty! To use few words is harder than to use many.

Charlie should be a model...what poise and charm he has!

Margo Berendsen said...

Well I think that is very darn good 33 words. Just discovered your blog and I just love how Charlie has an opinion on every single post. I'll be back for more!